Bipolar Dieting.

I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I cannot seem to stay focused to get this goddamned weight off!!!! I have lost 5lbs in the last two weeks thanks to Atkins... I am committing to it for two more weeks and then I go back to the regular bullshit.

I have a terrible attitude right now, and I was really hoping that the Atkins would help kick start a loss, I guess 5 lbs is a bit of a kick start. But I was aiming for 10-15 lbs.

I will try to update more often... I think the frustration, plus lack of time to update, plus embarassment of not losing weight all combined to make me not want to update.

Anyway. That's that.

Bizack on the Trizack.

Ok... I am officially back. I counted calories yesterday, but worked a 10 hour day and didn't work out. I am working probably 11 hours today, and didn't work out this morning, but plan to hit the gym on my lunch break.

In my defense I got up, went to work out in the living room and saw that we had never cleaned up the toys from the night before. The living room floor was covered in hotwheels, plastic eggs and the like. So I said Screw it. I'll make sure it's cleaned up tommorrow.

anyhoo...

Today's food
7am........apple bran muffin..........400 cals
10am........yogurt and cereal..........250 cals
12pm.......greek salad,pudding.........270 cals

**cals for coffee: 30
grand total:

Exercise


total calories burned:

Morning Workout: FAIL.

*yawn* I am at home w/ the boys today. Seth was sent home late in the afternoon yesterday with a bout of diarrhea. We have dr. appt this morning as he is still a bit sick from when he had the fever... gross nose etc.

I got up early nonetheless to work out, but was just NOT feeling it. I am tired, and increasingly cranky... Seth is in his room throwing a monster fit right now and I am so tired of listening to the fucking crying I could scream.

I plan to go to the gym this afternoon when Aaron gets home, and plan to do a long workout to makeup for this morning's failure.

*sigh*

addendum

I should add that I was more disappointed in not seeing inches lost because I kind of feel like some of my clothes are fitting better. We'll see. Day by day, right?

Peppy

I'm actually in a pretty good mood today. I did twoish workouts this morning... day 10 of 30 day shred and about 1/2 of the power 90 sculpt... though I did omit the stretching due to the fact that I was already warmed up. I did the ab ripper after that and called it good.

I am a little irked though, I decided that every 5 days while doing the 30 day shred thing, I would weigh myself and take my measurements. I am not going to tell you what I weigh, but on day one I weighed in... and despondently jotted the weight down in my log. Day 5... (which was before I started counting calories) I was up 2 fricken pounds but had noticed an incremental loss in the girth of my calves and upper arms.

Day 10 is today... and it's also day 4 of me counting calories. I am down 3 lbs (which puts me actually at a loss of only 1lb) and while I saw more of a loss in the calves and upper arms... NOTHING INBETWEEN THE KNEES AND NECK. arg. I could deal w/ calves the size of tree trunks for now, give me some loss in the caboose or the gut! It would AWESOME if my pants didn't fit like a rubberband trying to cut me in half at the waist.

I know my expectations are unrealistic, I do. I also know that while I might be on day 10 of exercising, I am only on day 4 of changing my eating habits. I am not giving up, I am determined. I think.

My birthday is Saturday, and I will be taking that day off of the diet, though I will still work out, and resume Sunday. (Though Sunday will likely not go as awesome as I hope because A. Birthday cake w/ the family and B. deep fried turkey for easter dinner. But I won't overdo it.)

Anyhoo, I guess I should just be glad that I'm down 3lbs... 3 down about a million to go.

Today's food
6am........oatmeal w/ raisins.........225 cals
9am........yogurt and cereal..........250 cals
12pm.......sandwich,pretzels,pudding..350 cals
3pm........carrots and hummus.........130 cals
6pm........salad......................220 cals
8pm........pudding....................60 cals
**cals for coffee: 30
grand total: 1155

Exercise
day 10 of 30 day shred
Power 90 and AbRipper
40 minutes on treadmill (running/walking)

total calories burned: 789

I so could fall asleep right now.

I got up at 3:45 today... to allow myself the 15 minute cushion of time it seems to take for me to wake up and get with the program. I did the work out and then I did a little extra... some lunges and squats and arm work. about 10 minutes worth I think.

I am about to go make a pot of coffee... I really need to wake up.

Today's food
6am........oatmeal w/ raisins.........225 cals
9am........yogurt and cereal..........250 cals
12pm.......sandwich,pretzels,pudding..350 cals
3pm........carrots and hummus.........130 cals
6pm........salad......................220 cals
8pm........pudding....................60 cals
**cals for coffee: 30
grand total: 1155

Exercise
day 9 of 30 day shred
extra lunges/arm work
45 minutes (3+ miles... not sure how many)


total calories burned: 832

Fighting for it

man, I really had to fight for it this morning, and I still burned less calories than yesterday doing the shred video. I'll have to amp it up a little tommorrow.

For Laura: Yesterday was the first day of the new plan, and I actually wasn't all that hungry... even though I was focused entirely too much on what I was/was not eating. I was impressed w/ how well I did. My problem time is in the late afternoon, right before dinner and I just stayed strong and didn't snack. The weight watchers meal is a prepackaged thing, and I ended up opting to have a salad instead because I just wasn't feeling the whole frozen tv dinner vibe.

*yawn* I better hustle into the shower, I've got about 35 minutes to get ready and get the boys up.

Here's today's plan, basically the same as yesterday, I'll update it if it changes.

6am........oatmeal w/ raisins.........225 cals
9am........yogurt and cereal..........250 cals
12pm.......WW Spaghetti and pudding...370 cals
3pm........carrots and hummus.........130 cals
6pm........salad......................220 cals
8pm........pudding....................60 cals

grand total: 1255
total water intake: 3 liters

Excercise:
Day 8 of 30 day shred
40 minutes on treadmill

total calories burned from exercise:650

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Monday Monday (Dah dah ... dah dah dah dah)

Ok, new plan this week. My dieting behavior is nothing short of schizophrenic, so this week's plan is different from last week, and who knows what bug I'll get for next week.

Actually, when something works, I do tend to stick with it. But the catch is that I need to see it working in that first week or I lose focus/motivation/will/ and desire to complete it.

So, that being said, I am counting calories and eating every 3 hours. My goal is to stay at 1200ish calories.... here is what today's plan is:

6am........oatmeal w/ raisins.........225 cals
9am........yogurt and cereal..........250 cals
12pm.......sandwich and pudding.......285 cals
3pm........carrots and hummus.........130 cals
6pm........salad....200 cals
8pm........glass of wine..............120 cals

grand total: 1210

Excercise:
Day 7 of 30 day shred
45 minutes on treadmill

Total Calories Burned: 708

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Day 4

Ok, I hate to admit it, but the workout is actually getting easier. Not as easy as laying on the couch, surfing the net and watching last night's ER... which is sooo what I would've rather been doing at 4am... but after I puttered around the house this morning and guzzled some coffee I did it and man... I almost didn't have to stop to catch my breath, and I for sure didn't feel like I was dying.

And I think I only thought "You are out of your effing mind" once when we were doing the jumping jacks/jumprope combination.

today's food... (I will likely go over points and bah. whatever. I am THISCLOSE to scrapping ww anyway, because I don't think I'm going to lose anything while eating 1700 freakin calories. gah.)

pts.......food
2 .......homemade latte
3 .......crackers
6 .......breakfast
2 .......ff bagel w/ ww cream cheese
6 .......lunch salad

comments fixed

I fixed the comments... and I will update more later. Thx for the heads up!

*yawn*

Day three. Bah.

I did it, and while at first I was unwilling to admit that anything was getting easier, it occurred to me about halfway through that it was a smidgen easier. That's something, right? It better be. Considering I stepped on the scale this morning and was up two effing lbs. GAH!

Anyhoo, here's the meal breakdown today... (oh and ps, yesterday ended up being a bust. don't ask... no cookies or candy, but some poor choices when it came to crackers and zucchini bread last night. )

pts......food..........................
2 ......Cereal
1 ......ww yogurt
2 ......hummus
0 ......carrots
4 ......sandwich
1 ......pudding
2 ......pretzels
0 ......salad
2 ......dressing
2 ......Hard boiled egg
2 ......Chicken
3 ......Crackers
2 ......ice cream

total pts: 27 total calories: 1736 HOLY CRAP.

exercise
Day 3 of 30 day shred
40 minutes on treadmill

DONE.

I have had three hours of sleep. I am beyond tired, and almost a little panicked on how I am going to get through my day.

I still got up and did that damn workout though. Bah. Not any easier yet.

Today's food plan:

Pts.....food
2 ......min muffin things
2 ......rockstar light coffee
1 ......weight watchers yogurt
2 ......1 cup go lean cereal
4 ......sandwich
2 ......fiber one granola bar
1 ......pudding
2 ......hummus and carrots (snack)
2 ......fiber one granola bar (snack)
0 ......salad
2 ......tortilla strips
1 ......1/2 cup ff refried beans
1 ......1/4 cup ff sour cream
0 ......pico de gallo
3 ......latte from starbucks
2 ......wine

total: 27 (I will update this as the day goes if I stray from the plan)

exercise
30 day shred dvd.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Day 1 Redux.

So I just completed Day one of the 30 day Shred. Technically I challenged myself on Sunday to do the 30 days, but I skipped yesterday and instead spent all of my energy doing laundry, running to winco, then to costco, and taking a nap on the couch. I have no excuse... I was as disgusted as can be.

So today is now day one... I've taken my measurements and weighed myself... I am beyond frustrated at my eating habits, my weight... my lack of self control. You name it.

Anyway... that's where I'm at. Day one. Had to keep stopping for breaks because I thought I was going to pass out. Let's hope I get over it and kick this dvd's ass.

Ps. I will be updating this daily to (if nothing else) keep a log of what I'm shoving in my piehole. Feel free to give me feedback. Just don't call me fat or I'll probably cry.

Pps. Tommorrow is one week ONE WHOLE WEEK without candy. or cookies. You have no idea how big this is.

Today's food (and points total)

POINTS..... Food
2..... Rockstar Light Coffee
1..... 100 calorie pack chocolate muffin thingys
2..... Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bar
2..... 1 cup go lean cereal
1..... weight watchers yogurt
0..... coffee
2..... Hummus and carrots
4..... Sandwich
2..... Pretzels
1..... Pudding
0..... Salad
1..... Ff sour cream
1..... Ff refried beans
2..... Tortilla strips
2..... Wine
4..... 1/2 bagel w/cc

total:.....27(goal met)

Exercise
30 day shred dvd
I had planned to go for a run at the gym on my lunch hour, but I am so swamped I worked through lunch. boo. On the upside, I walk about 1/2 mile to and from the train station every morning/afternoon, so that's something.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Proud.

I so did not want to get out of bed this morning. SO.DID.NOT.WANT. At 4:30 in the morning I often don't care if I'm fat. Especially when having strangley engaging dreams and I want to see how they turn out.

But I got up. I drank my crystal light energy and then I went to the gym and did today's running program (I'm on week 2 of the couch 2 5k program) and though I'm spent now, I am proud of myself.

And I also need a nap, but that's ok. I have a long drive ahead of me in a bit; so I'll go take a shower and get out of here, grab a coffee and be on my way. I am just really proud that I made it over that "I don't wanna get up" hurdle.

So Yeah.

So yeah. Have I mentioned that I am tired of being fat? Seriously. TIRED. But my brain and my body are a little bit out of sync. I am either going to end up being the fittest fat person ever, or I will pull my head out of my ass and start eating right and shrink like I want to.

You would think it's fucking rocket science, but it's not. You would think I have some sort of metabolic disorder... but I don't. I have a brain disorder where hunger pains = imminent death apparently. At least that's how I sometimes act.

I had no candy and no sweets yesterday. Well, no real sweets. I had a 100 calorie pack of those chocolate hostess cupcakes... 1pt per pack! But I'm not buying those anymore... I have recently realized that the only reason I eat the granola bars and other shit is because it's there. It's good. It's there. oh and because it's there. No more.

I was very proud of myself yesterday, I went to the gym even though I had limited time, due to a meeting I needed to be at. I went, I ran, and got back in time. I didn't have a super long workout or anything, but I got my run in. That's the important thing. Normally I would've used the excuse that I didn't have enough time to do a good workout. Bullshit.

I have come to realize I use that excuse a lot. No more. Starting 2 days ago I called bullshit on that and went to the gym on my day off (I usually work out at the gym near work, but there isn't one near my house; my sister has a membership near my house though so I used her card)... I'm going to continue that trend on the weekends... I often don't want to go workout because I am leaving dh in a lurch w/ the kids by himself, and/or I talk myself out of it for one reason or another.

The most important thing is my health, and my fitness right now... so if that means a short trip to the gym is what I need, then a short trip it is. No more bagging out of going because I don't have enough time to do the workout I think I need.

*sigh* That said, I've already done the 30 day shred video this morning and mama is TIRED. I am going to do 60 min of cardio at lunch today as well.

Now I need to go do my hair and put my face on for work. *yawn*

1st post.

I wonder if I am for real this time. If this time of dieting will actually work. I am on weight watchers. AGAIN. I have historically not done well on weight watchers because even though I allow a reasonable amount of points for dinner, I blow through them w/ the immediate snacking when I walk through the door. I take a bite of the kids' dinner. Ok, maybe I'll take 2 bites. Bites don't count, right? Oh... and if I make something super yummy for dinner... of course I'll have to sample that too.

It's my own doing, my failure at losing weight... or rather my own undoing. I realize this, I hate it, but I realize it.

Over the last holiday season I decided 'Screw dieting'... and I ate whatever I wanted. In whatever quantities I wanted. I didn't exercise. I laid around a lot. I baked a lot. I indulged. a lot.

I also gained 20lbs.

RIDICULOUS.

So now I am back on the horse. My goal being to get fit. Feel better. STOP taking pills to lower my blood pressure. Fit into those pre pregnancy pants (that have been patiently waiting for 4+ years).

And of course, to lose the heifer.